The Fred Weasley Stories
by mayojuice
Summary: Fred and George end up teaching at Hogwarts, even though Fred is envolved in dark plot that even he barely knows about.
1. Intro

A/N: Ever had one of those days where you are looking for a fanfic and just can't find what you want. That happens to me all the time. I am not a fan of the Weasly twins, I'm a fan of Fred Weasly. I couldn't find a good story that was simply based on Fred's adventures. I do know that the Weasly twins wouldn't be complete without George but these stories are mainly based on Fred. I own nothing.  
  
~The Fred Weasly Stories~  
  
Chapter 1: Intro  
  
The obedient servant, Wormtail, was in a room with his master.  
  
"Wormtail," said the dreadfully high-pitched, cold voice of Wormtails master.  
  
"Yes master?" said the servant. He was afraid that he was going to be asked to do something dreadful again like the time he had to cut off his arm.  
  
"I'm bored," the master said to Wormtail. This made him no less uncomfortable, for entertaining his master could be very hard and very dangerous. He was relieved however when the master said, "I want you to find me a boy by the name of Fred Weasley."  
  
Wormtail shuddered. if his master told him to find someone, that someone would usually end up dead. But now, the master wanted to be entertained. They might even end up using the Cruciactus curse on this Fred Weasley. "Where will the boy be master?" Wormtail slowly replied.  
  
"He will be in a shop in Diagon Alley. The shop is called Weasley Wizard Wheezes but your job isn't to find him but to tell the person who will find him," the master said. "You will contact our connection in the Order (Order of the Phoenix)."  
  
Then a thousand miles away, a boy named Harry Potter awoke with a dreadful pain in his forehead.  
  
A/N: Sorry it's so short. I write no more until I get a review. 


	2. The Begining of Mayhem

A/N: I was very impressed at how many people reviewed my story and how fast they did it. I'm gonna get two chapters up in one day! Oh, and sorry about how many times I misspelled Weasley.  
  
~The Fred Weasley Stories~  
  
Chapter 2: The Begining of Mayhem  
  
Fred, however, did not wake up suddenly or with any pain at all. In fact, he was feeling rather well.  
  
Fred and George now lived in their shop, Weasley Wizard Wheezes, because their parents were so disappointed with them for leaving school early.Eventually Mr. and Mrs. Weasley did calm down but Fred and George wouldn't move back in. "We've got to fend for ourselves now that we're out of school," George told Mrs. Weasley one day when she had "accidentally" walked into their shop. "We're not babies anymore."  
  
Mr. Weasley didn't want them back though. "If they want to get arrested selling illegal jokes they can but I won't be involved with it," Mr. Weasley told Mrs. Weasley one night.  
  
"Their jokes are not illegal and it really would do a world of good for people to have a little fun, especially with the rise of the Dark Lord," Mrs. Weasley coldly responded.  
  
While Fred and George's parents didn't quite support their joke shop, their friends did. One day, Lee Jordan, their friend from Hogwarts came in to talk to the twins. When he lift, his pockets were full of Ton-tounge Toffees and his mouth was full of his newly extended tounge. Even Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and the twin's brother, Ron Weasley, walked in one day. How Harry escaped the Dursley's they never knew but somehow he did. When the three came in, Harry was shaking like mad while Hermione and Ron acted like they usually do, excepting the occasional glances towards Harry.  
  
"What's wrong with him?" George asked Hermione in a quiet voice so that Harry couldn't hear.  
  
"Ever since Sirius died he's been like that. He hardly ever says a word anymore unless he's talking about evil pranks. Me and Ron are getting worried," Hermione responed.  
  
All in all, life was good for Fred and George until one fateful day.  
  
A man had just walked into the room. He was a fairly big man that was completely bald. He walked up to the counter and started talk to Fred.  
  
"I have some jokes I'd like to sell you," the man said in a very high voice that sounded strangely like a girl.  
  
"What do you have?" Fred asked the man.  
  
"Ever heard of Stink Pallets?" the strange man asked.  
  
"Yeah," Fred said.  
  
"I've got Love Stink Pallets," the man said. "Anyone who smells it immeadiatly falls in love with the first name they hear of the opposite sex."  
  
Twenty boxes of Love Stink Pallets were bought that day and sold like a charm, mainly because George cast a spell on them so that people would be attracted to them. When there was one more box left the man returned selling another twenty and so on. (A/N: This day will become important.)  
  
Right before School was supposed to start Fred and George saw an owl fly by their window. A few seconds later it came back realizing it had missed it target and istead of flying through an open window it smacked into a sign advertising Love Stink Pallets. Fred and George recognized it at once as a letter from Hogwarts: School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. They open it without delay and read:  
  
Dear Misters Fred and George Weasley,  
  
You have been chosen to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts, also known as DADA. I would appreciate it very much if you will send an owl with your response asap.  
  
Yours truly, Headmaster Albus Dumbledore  
  
A/N: Sorry all of you Harry Potter fans but I couldn't resist making fun of him. Most of the other characters will remain normal unless something is done to them by a spell or one of the Weasley's jokes. I won't put another up until I get a review. If you have already reviewed then you can review again. 


	3. The Term Begins

A/N: In the case that you looked it over in the first chapter, I own nothing. I don't feel any need to say it again because it is a very said thing to think about.  
  
~The Fred Weasley Stories~  
  
Chapter 3: The Term Begins  
  
Fred and George looked at each other. They didn't know anything about Defense Against the Dark Arts, but there had to be a reason that they were asked to teach it. And then they started thinking.  
  
"Fifty points from Gryffindor," Snape said one afternoon. "And I expect there to be no more Dungbombs." (A/N: You have just seen a flashback.)  
  
Fred and George looked at each other, grinning. They could give points to Gryffindor or take points from Slytherin for absolutely no good reason. It was the chance of a lifetime. They both wrote their letters to go back to Hogwarts, but realized they said the exact same thing. Fred decided to throw his away and just sign George's.  
  
The very next day, the twins met their parents, Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny at Platform 9 ¾ . Harry was still shaking as though it were freezing cold. Ginny also seemed to be a bit nervous. Fred and George had just figured that it was because Harry was acting so strange. Everybody knew that she fancied him.  
  
The train ride to Hogwarts was a very dull one. At one time, Malfoy ran into Fred and George. George tried to take points away from him but had forgotten that the school year hadn't started yet. That was all that happened as far as George knows. While Fred was in the bathroom, (assuming there is one on the Hogwarts Express) the bald man apparated right beside him. (A/N: Fred was just washing his hands.) Fred eventually made it back to his and George's compartment with a frown that not even George noticed.  
  
The Hogwarts Express finally made to Hogsmeade Station and everybody steped into the carriages driven by what they now knew to be Thestrals. The twins hurried in and sat down at the teacher's table, one on each side of Snape. The sorting ceremony finally started. All of the new first years were sorted into their house by the sorting hat. There was one particular unusual student by the name of Mathew Furdinand who was sorted into Gryffindor. What made the boy unusual was that he looked fairly mature, almost as though he was the age of an adult, but still had his childish innocence. He had stringy, not oily, shoulder length hair and was a fairly muscular boy. Even stranger still was the sorting hat. It wasn't even over his head when it shouted the house name, louder than anyone elses. Fred and George however, noticed none of this because they were far too busy conjuring signs on Snape's back. The twins finally left it at "Hex Me!" when Dumbledore started his begining of term speech, of which was very simple.  
  
"This year, I'd like all of you to remember our school motto, 'Draco Dormiens Nunquam Titillandus, and now, tuck in!" was Dumbledore's big start of term speech and as soon as it was done, everyone was forgetting about it in their supper excepting one little first-year.  
  
A/N: Sorry it took so long. I probably won't be able to post anything except for on the weekend. I still want as many as reviews as I can get. Remember, If you've already reviewed for a previous chapter, you can still review as the story progresses, saying what you think might happen or what something means. I get a lot of ideas from you guys. 


	4. Jokes Help

A/N: I 'm going to try to write these chapters as fast as I can but I won't guarantee any type of speed. I also won't guarantee that I will reveal every thing that I should immediately. If you really want to know what happens and I haven't updated within two weeks you can e-mail me at the e- mail address on my profile. On with the story.  
  
~The Fred Weasley Stories  
  
Chapter 4- Jokes Help  
  
Fred and George weren't the only new teachers. The past year, Professor Sprout retired and was replaced by Professor Eleanor Arial, a silly little girl in her twenties. From what Fred and George could tell, she never quite got anything right. Right after the beginning of term feast, Fred and George saw her coming up from the dungeons.  
  
"Excuse me miss," George called out to her when they saw her.  
  
"Oh, hello. I'm Professor Eleanor Arial. I'm the new herbology teacher, but it seems I can't find the proper classroom," she told them, acting just a bit nervous.  
  
"That would in the green houses," Fred told her. Thanking them, she headed off up the stairs that led to the tallest tower. Fred and George shrugged and went up to their office on the second floor.  
  
Their first class was going to be a class about how to fool the darkest of all wizards with jokes.  
  
"The first step to trick a dark wizard is to identify how to trick them," George would say at the beginning of every class. "Some wizards are fooled by different things. Will you please come up here so we can demonstrate?" they said to Mathew Ferdinand during one class. He slowly stood up and walked to the front of the room.  
  
"Mathew, tell us one way that you think you could easily trick us," Fred said to the young kid.  
  
In a low voice that the student recently had found to be his own he said, "A distraction should make almost anyone vulnerable."  
  
Fred and George looked at each other with evil grins. "Okay," said George. "Mathew and I are going to pretend we are in a duel. I am not going to attack but I want Mathew to distract me, giving him enough time to attack. Wands ready." They both raised their wands, Mathew to attack, George to defend. "Serpensortia!" Mathew shouted. A snake exploded out of the end of his wand. As soon as it hit the ground George shouted "Disaparo Incantato!" a purple stream of light came out of George's wand and made the snake disappear upon contact. Mathew was stunned at George's reaction speed.  
  
"You see class," said Fred, "You need something that won't distract someone, but something that will hold their attention. Mathew, I'd like for you to try to defend me.  
  
The two stood opposite each other and raised their wands. "Avado Kodavro!" Fred shouted. A beam of green light shot out of Fred's wand and vanished right before it hit Mathew. "Expelliarmus!" Fred shouted after it had vanished. The spell hit Mathew without much force but his wand went flying straight into Fred's hand. Mathew just stared at Fred, terrified. When Fred saw the rest of the class staring too, he said, "'Avado Kodavro' is not the spell that people call the killing curse but rather an imitation of it, designed to hold someone's attention long enough for the wizard to cast the disarming spell."  
  
Suddenly, the door to the classroom opened, the whole class saw it. It was......  
  
A/N: One of those extremely annoying cliff hangers. Sorry it took so long. Keep reviewing and remember to tune in next week, same bat-time, same bat- channel. (little a/n: that was a little joke for all you TV Land lovers. If you don't get, ask you're grandparents.) 


	5. A Long Awaited Chapter

A/N: Well, I guess I should be slightly ashamed. It's been nearly four years since I last worked on this story. Funny thing happened… I checked my e-mail just a couple of minutes ago and found that someone had reviewed it asking for more. Also, this story was started right after book five came out and so it will stay that way, and follow it's own plot.

Well… four years later and we have the continuation of…

The Fred Weasley Stories

Chapter 5- A Long Awaited Chapter

No one could have been expecting what would come through that door. (A/N: Mainly because I had nearly forgotten.) But neither Fred nor George were surprised to see Professor Arial standing behind a large venomous tentacula.

"Oh my, it seems I've found myself in the wrong room again."

She turned around and slowly walked out of the room. Several seconds later a large crash was heard along with the breaking of a pot, some chomping noises, and several high pitched screams. Pulling the door shut with his wand Fred announced to the class, "Now that woman, can hold someone's attention."

Not ten seconds after they had returned to their lesson one of the students near the front of the room clutched his nose and started flailing his free arm, complaining something about a, "Dose bweed!" George made the young boy, who was insisting on going to the infirmary move his hands and with a quick flick of the wand, George cleaned the boy's nose completely.

"If you're going to pull over a fake nosebleed on us, you may have to actually break you nose."

As the class of first years dwindled out of the room Fred turned to George.

"So, what's next?"

"Hmm… looks like the sixth years. They're supposed to be learning out of the book 'How to Defeat a Dark Lord' by our own headmaster Albus Dumbledore.

"Oh. Umm… have you read that?"

"Nope. You?"

"Nope. Wing it?"

"You bet."

And so the class of sixth years came trailing in, each one holding their own copy of "How to Defeat a Dark Lord." As Hermione walked past Fred pulled her aside.

"Give me a quick rundown of the book."

"Well it starts with Grindelwald and…"

"Good enough."

Hermione finally found her way to a seat on one side of Harry, who was still trembling miserably.

George approached the front of the class. "Now, does anyone know what we're going to talk about today?"

For the first time in her life, Hermione did not raise her hand. After some sporadic gesturing from Fred to Hermione, she still didn't get the hint. Finally, Harry shocked the whole class by becoming completely still and standing up. Ron and Hermione both held up their hands as if they were getting ready for him to fall.

Harry started to speak. "I know what we're going to talk about. We're going to talk about how Voldemort killed my parents. We're going to talk about how no one can love anymore. We're going to talk about how Voldemort's followers KILLED MY GODFATHER!" And upon finishing his rant Harry collapsed on the floor and entered the fettle position. Ron and Hermione immediately stooped down next to him.

Fred looked around the class. "No Harry, that's not right. Today we'll be talking about the Dark Lord Grindylow."

A/N: Okay. Well that's done. I hope you all apreciate the book 7 reference. Please read and review and maybe it won't take me four years this time.


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